haileywallace05

...ago was the last time i posted. thats crazy.

its been a bad day. i seem to only blog when im in a rough spot. i dont know why. today has been the worst day i have had in awhile. i woke up a half hour late. the necklace i was determined to wear didnt work with the dress i had picked so i had to take the time to find another dress and this one required me to find a cami too. theenn on the way to church i was doing my makeup and spilled my powder everywhere. church was good. but after church i fell walking down the car port. my shoes hate me. the whole way from plymouth to mansfield my knee and hand woudlnt stop bleeding. then at cheddars for lunch, i almost double tipped the waitress. had shauna not reminded me the gratuity was already on the check i woulda left the waitress another tip. i get to my grammas and there is no neosporin. so im just stuck with bandaids for my battle wounds. so i think i just need to sleep the rest of this day away and wake up tomorrow.

next. i am tired of being single. i hate dating. i hate it. i cant seem to find a guy i like that i can see myself dating. and ya know why? because i either compare them to someone else or i know who i want. i want one of 2 people. lets call the firs one Alex. Alex is a great guy. we talk about everything. hes sweet. hes cute. hes funny. i realized the other night that i really do like alex. and he doesnt like me. i dont know if he likes anyone else but im sure he doesnt like me. lets call the second guy Andrew. Andrew is awesome as well. funny and cute. he, however, doenst see me like that eihter. he actually does like someone else. my life sucks.

finally. im unemployed. i lost my job the begining of august. i have been trying and nothing yet. my unemployment got denied. i have a group interview tomorrow. fingers crossed! and i may have a chance at mcdonalds. "would you like fries with that?" FML.

PRAYER PRAYER PRAYER!

 

I hate dating. I hate being single and having to meet new guys. You either find guys who hit on you becuase all they want is to get in your pants, or no one hits on you at all. This is the 21st century, i know, but is chivalry really dead? it seems to be in my experience. guys dont want to open doors, compliment you or pay for you. they dont. they want you to come see them, drive if you go somewhere and pay for your self. That is fine and dandy if you have been dating for so long. I dont expect a guy to open every door and pay for everything if we are 6months into the relationship. but not even a month and he is asking me to pay? noo thanks. see ya 

and then you have the guys who are COMMIT-APHOBS, i dont even know if thats a word. but its the guys who are scared to commit. they want you to come over, take you out, heck some of these guys will even pay for you. they want to make out and be intimate, but they dont want the commitment of a relationship. i have come to the conclusion, either they really are scared to be committed or they just want to use you. they want to have someone to sleep next to them but not have to say they have a girlfriend. this is where you have to learn to distance yourself from them or you will become attached only to be hurt. they dont want to change their life, they dont wnat anythign serious. dont set your self up for heartbreak. 

so, where have all the good guys gone? married by now i imagine. im 20, almost 21 so the guys i would date, who would be 24 and older, are probably married with children. and the ones who arent more than half the time have issues. as in case a and b above. i have found myself in case b and becoming more attached than i like. its been 2 months of "talking" and being "friends" and we are going nowhere. this plato has no end in sight. but i cant break away. i dont know why. but i like him. i was thinking about this today and i think part, im not sure how big of a part, but part of the reason i like him is becuase he reminds me of an exboyfriend. lets call the current guy Steve and the ex Joe. So Steve and Joe are both brunette guys with round faces. Joe is a bit taller than Steve but they are both taller than me. they are both average, not skinny but not fat. both drink, different beer though. i have only known joe to drink bud light and natty light :] steve i have seen drink just about anything lol heres the kicker. they are both firefighters. joe was recently suspended from madison and can come back in october. steve is no longer firefighting but is thinking abotu it again. i use to taste the beer when i kissed joe and i taste it sometimes when i kiss steve. its crazy. they are alot alike. i fell for joe really fast only a couple months after getting out of a long, serious relationship. i thought i loved joe. we ended things about 3 years ago. and steve reminds me of him at times. 

is this why i keep him around? i doubt it. but maybe its subconsicouly part of the reason. who knows. 
all i ask for is a guy who has a decent job, cares about himself and has good morals, is family oriented and wants to be in a relationship. is that too much to ask for??? i didnt think so but apparently i was wrong..

sometimes men are no better than boys. seriously. they cant keep in contact. they cant be depended on. they cant even send a simple text message. seriously. i hate boys sometimes. i will not go into it as im sure you dont care. plus im a girl so i may be over-reacting. that happens more times than i woudl like to admit haha

weell tomorrow is cedar point so i need to be happy! hahaha however i have an extra ticket and no one to go. bah. 

ok ok im done complaining. i guess no one is perfect. whatever lol

good night
have a safe & happy 4th!

i dont mean to sound ungrateful by any means. i appreciate everything and everyone i have in my life but i wish::

i was able to live on my own
i wasnt so lonely
i could truely be happy
i didnt have to fake a smile 60% of the time
i could be 5 again when i didnt have to worry about anything
boys werent confusing
i could be nicer to my family
i could be happier with myself
my "friends" were truer and more genuine




i had someone to talk to instead of having to blog about it..............

i am a mess. i moved in with my grandparents about 3 weeks ago. I feel like my life is falling apart. I didnt want to have to move but i am not getting enough hours at my job to live on my own. and lately my gramma has been tellin me that i am not the "sweet" "nice" "loving" girl that she thought I was. She says i have an attitude when i talk and i never used to be that way. and my cuzin told me that she doesnt think i am as sweet as i was before i moved in. i dont know why. sometiems i will say something and i think "now you didnt have to say it like that. stop" but i just cant. i dont know why i do it. but i snap and i have an attitude alot and i dont know why. i have felt like crying almost everynight for the past week and tonight i couldnt hold it in anymore. i was downstairs and my gramma told me that my aunt was upset wiht me becuase i didnt let my cuzin use my computer to do some research. when really she wanted to use it after we played Phase 10 and i said no [jokingly] and she thought i was serious. then her mom called and wanted her to come home after the game so she never got the chance and i never got to tell her i was just kidding. then i heard my gramma talking to my sister and another cuzin in the kitchen telling them they sounded like me and i lost it. i started crying and had to come upstairs. i dont know what is going on but i dont like it. and i hate not having any friends. if i ever want to do anythign i call sam and now she has a new boyfriend so she isnt available alot so i either have to go by myself or not go at all. it really sucks. and she is getting all of her old frineds back becuase she isnt with the guy she was with. so now i am afraid that i will slowly fall out of her life. already she will call and be like "so you know how i told you this" and im like "no, you havent told me anything. ihavent talked to you in 3 days". so i feel like i am alreayd losing her. then where will i be??????????? no friends and my grandparents and cuzins think im a terrible person. i do not know how this happened. i do not know how to get anythign back where it should be either. i hate this. then to top it all off, my car is being retarded. its old. and ready to be retired. everything is going wrong. i need a new car. my life, at the moment, makes me want to cry. all the time. the only good thing abotu it is i have God and i knwo that he will make everythign alright. he is the only one who knows all of this [other than you] and he will be the only one who will know. i will put on a smile and act like everything is ok.

wow. its seriously october. 25 days till my birthday! I am actually excited now to be 20 rather than 19. I feel older than 19 and am excited to get out of my teens. its just crazy to think i have been on this earth for 2 decades. insane. but we all get older, its inevitable. [dont judge me on my spelling..i have no spell check haha]. so rather than be depressed and upset about your age, enjoy it! be happy God allowed you to see this birthday and that He has taken care of you all these years. 

i just cant believe its really october. where the heck did september go!? it seriously came and went in the blink of an eye. I am in my 7th (of 9) week of classes. 2 weeks and i start new ones. it seems like i just started yesterday! 

so i just wanted to blog about how quickly october snuck up on us!!

God Bless

i havent been to a concert since Warped Tour. dont get me wrong, warped was AMAZING but i miss it! I love to go and hear bands i love. talk to them after or before or whenever. buy stuff. support them! and its been 2 months and 3 days! ..

BUT in 6 days i will be in Edinboro, Pennsylvania to see Welwyn (www.myspace.com/welwynrock) they are pretty much amazing! from LI, New York and some very nice and cute guys. Robyn and i are making the 3 hour drive to see them in PA becuase their show in Canton, Ohio fell through. I cant wait!

Then i got nothing till Nov 3. November is going to be amazing. in the span of 15 days i will get to see Dashboard Confessiona, Augustana, Valencia, Boys Like Girls, All Time Low, The Rocket Summer and The Academy Is...!!! how amazing is that. i am so pumped for that! 3 weekends in a row of shows!! one in Columbus, one in Detroit and one in Cleveland. 

The most anticipated one is DEFF. on November 9th in Detroit. Thats the Valencia, BLG, and All Time Low show!!!!! 3 AMAZING bands whom i cannot get enough of. Although, we will miss Valencia's show becuase Robyn has to work a game till like 6 or something. but i will still get to talk to the boys and im hoping their set goes well! too bad they have to go first : /  but still i cant wait to see them again!

goodnight

www.myspace.com/valencia
www.myspace.com/boyslikegirls 
www.myspace.com/alltimelow 
www.myspace.com/therocketsummer 
www.myspace.com/dashboardconfessional 
www.myspace.com/augustana 
www.myspace.com/theacademyis

new season ::
   i love fall. its football season [ OHIO STATE BUCKEYES]. soccer games are still played. the leaves change colors. its beautiful.its sweater season!!!!!. thanksgiving. christmas is soon! I LOVE FALL
new hair ::
   I got my hair cut. i think i like it. it just needs to grow. haha. i also highlighted it. i duno about that yet. i love my hair dark. my mom and gramma like it lighter. we'll see how long the highlights last untill i color it back.
new job? ::
    [real reason for this entry] i realized today that my job isnt as great as i thought. [history : Im a nurses aide. i do home health. basically i go in, clean, cook, run errands, shop, etc for the older people who cant but still wish to live in their own homes. I have a few patients i help bathe but basically all i do is run the water and wash their hair and back. they can do the rest, including dress, by themselves.]

I like knowing that im helping them out. i like knowing they appreciate me. i like knowing they look forward to the day i come because, sometimes, im the only visitor they get all week. i like the hours [i work 730-4 mon tue wed fri, 9-4 thur.] i dont work weekends or nights which is beneficial for church and the church activities i do. I like that i get mileage [i get paid $0.42 per mile to the first patient each day, between patients and for any errands. i do not get paid for the trip home]. i like that i get benefits [i have to pay for them but i have health and dental]. i like my boss.

i dont like all the miles that im putting on my car. i dont like the wear and tear its taking [granted its not new, but thats all the reason to NOT want it to look any crappier than it already does, right?]. i dont like the gas that im using [becuase lets face it, $0.42 isnt ALLL that much with the gas prices now]. i dont like cleaning at home [or there] anymore. i dont like driving. i have come to hate construction. i dont like that i only make 7.50 an hour. i dont like that i wont get a raise until ONE YEAR [and that wont be until june. and even then it wont be but maybe 2%]

i want a job that has the same hours [first shift mon-fri. no nights or weekends]. one that offers benefits. one that pays more than a dollar over minimum wage. one that has a decent boss.one that i only have to drive to, park, work, drive home. one that i can do for a year and a half until i finish my online classes.
is that too much to ask? really? i dont know. I just realized today that im not as happy in my job as i thought i was.

its late. imdepressed now. its time for bed.
goodnight loves

hailey

this has nothing to do with "Space Between"...

have you ever felt like your not really here. not really living your life. but looking on instead? you say something, then later think, did i really just say that? or sit at night and not be able to decide whether or not you really did something or whether it was just your imagination? i feel like that alot... 

church and concerts are the few times when i feel like im me. I feel happy. I love going to church or doing church things :) i also love music. and going to shows. the upcoming ones are ::

10.6 Welwyn in Canton, Ohio [ www.myspace.com/welwynrock ]
11.3 Dashboard Confessional & Augustana in Columbus, Ohio [ www.myspace.com/dashboardconfessional ]
11.9 Valencia, Boys Like Girls & All Time Low in Detroit, Michigan [ www.myspace.com/valencia www.myspace.com/boyslikegirls ]
11.17 The Rocket Summer & The Academy Is... in Cleveland, Ohio [ www.myspace.com/therocketsummer www.myspace.com/theacademyis ]

these days [and those that im at church or church activities] will be the best days of my life. I CANNOT WAIT for 11.9. VALENCIA BLG & ATL omgeez its going to be FANTASTIC! BLG for like the 3rd or 4th time, Valencia for the 2nd. and they are all amazingly sweet boys :D
love.
hailey

......
rainy days & cuddling 
rainbows after the rain
not caring
friends
the movie theatre
concerts [10.6 cant come soon enough]
feeling wanted
my brother
having money
the 90's tv shows
saying "PSYCH" after everything
always having someone to listen or talk to no matter when it was
alot of things.

but time goes on and things and people change. we must all adapt to this new life and hope for the best. With God we can be certain He will get us through anything, but thats not promising it will be easy. 

love.
Hailey



 

so im pretty new at this Live Journal thing but here goes nothing.

Have you ever had a day where you sit and think and realize your not happy? Today was that day. I feel i have lost alot of my freinds due to lack of communication.
 i want them back. 
so i txted some of them to do something and only one did. but it was good to catch up with her. i miss everyone. 
i moved out of my parents & i live with my best friend [ i know, freinds shouldnt live together, but for now its good]. and now i just sit here. at the computer. on myspace. or aim. or live journal now. that is when im not at church or doing church things. but i never hang out with all the people i used to. granted, the weekends they party & i dont but still. i miss who they are. i miss laughing wiht them. and even the ones you dont think youd miss, i do. like the ones who make fun and pick on you. but you know they love you. the ones who drunk dial you at 3 am. i even miss those guys. becuase i know, that at any moment if i needed them before, they would be there for me in a minute. now? i dont know.
 it sucks losing a best friend and i feel like i have lost  3 in the past 2 years. but i have gained new friends. does it even itself out? i dont know. the ones i lost were so close. the new ones are just getting closer but its still new. they will get closer i know but its all about the timing
and moving out is completely  new too. its kinda weird to make sure your out of the bathroom quick so she can get in. or to be quiet when you go get food cuz her and her bf are watchin a movie. or just having him here at all is a little akward. but it all take adjusting. thats life. 
so i have thrown myselft into work, church and music. I now work for 2 places. apx 45 hours a week. I do alot of things for my church. i help out with the youth, the outreach we do, the small groups we started and the womens wellness/weight loss classes we started. I also pick kids up for church on sunday mornign and for youth group. Then there is music. i dont know where i would be without God and music. I go to as many shows as i can. I promote for bands i love. i myspace them as much as possible and try to get others to listen to them. i love helping bands. i think that in my mind, if i keep myself busy i wont think about the friends i lost or how lonely and unhappy i am. 
i am also happy ins ome aspects though. i love living on my own. having freedom to do whatever, whenever. i love the area i live in and my roomate. i love the bands i support and i love the shows i go to and the one friend that i go to the shows with. i love my church and my church family. i love my youth kids and the wonderful [few] friends i have made. i am currently in college online and i love that. i just dont love the days that i have nothing going on and i just sit and reflect on my life. today was one of those days.

go here. www.myspace.com/valencia
Valencia is an amazing band from PHILADELPHIA, PA. Shane, George, Brendan & Maxim are awesome, sweet guys.I love them!
until next time
love.
hailey

p.s. they wont all be that long or deep. : )